“ The basic caliber of a society, community or a corporate body is determined by the people that constitute it ”

How true this statement is. A company, community, or even a country can have the best of infrastructure in terms of finance, machinery, and technology but it is the people utilising the infrastructure, who determine the destiny of that company, community or country. The real resource, certainly the most important one, is the PEOPLE. If you can master the art of dealing with people, you certainly have an edge over the others.

For example, the size and foliage of a tree is determined by it’s inward structure. The outward appearance of a flower is determined by it’s internal characteristics. It is true that outside natural elements - wind, storm, hail, lightening - can change the appearance of a growing thing but it’s internal growing strength will react and compensate by healing, straightening and making those changes automatically.

Your outward appearance, YOUR PERSONALITY, is not moulded by outside influences. It is moulded and shaped from within. By YOU! Your personality is not the result of what other people have done to you. It is the result of what you have done to yourself.

Hence we should stop reacting to others and start being proactive. Thoughts like - “What can I do to make the situation better for myself.” or “What could I have done to avoid that tragedy.” - should be uppermost in our minds, replacing the excuses that normally come forth.

The Way I See People 

I happened to watch a part of a movie on TV the other day. Amitabh Bachhan is talking to his look-alike son and draws the number “6 ” on his palm. Holding out his palm, he says “To you, it looks like ‘ 9 ’ but from where I am, it looks like ‘ 6 ’. ” Similarly, the number ‘ 3 ’ and the alphabet ‘ E ’. The possibilities are numerous.

Hence, it is necessary to look at people and situations from the other person’s point of view. Try to be in the other person’s shoes and think the way he does and then decide on your course of action.

The end result will always be better.

I am reminded of a participant in one of my workshops on “How to manage Stress.”

A middle-aged lady, neatly attired, attractive enough, waited for me at the end of the day’s session and asked permission to discuss a personal problem. She had just been sacked from her job and she hoped that my workshop would help her solve her problem/s.

Summing up her problems, she said “It’s a rather long story but in essence, all through my life, I have had the problem of being rejected by people.” Obviously, she wanted a comforting shoulder to cry on and a pair of ears which would listen sympathetically. I encouraged her to talk. It seemed she had just been dismissed from her job, was divorced and just was not accepted by the people she interacted with.

“ And this time,” she said “ my manager was blunt enough to tell me my drawbacks. He said that the major problem was that I could not carry people - especially people who worked under me - along with me. He pointed out specific instances when I had caused friction, upset my colleagues and subordinates and sent some of the other colleagues home in despair. ”. I just nodded and kept my silence.

She continued with a rather pensive look in her eyes, “ After listening to you today, I think I am, at last, beginning to see what he meant. Correct me, if I am wrong but I have always been seeing things ONLY from my point of view. I felt that everybody had to try and understand my problems. Today, for the first time in my life, I realize that my problems are not because of others but they are there because of me. Other people are successful, happy in their homes and careers and have friends. It is I who has nothing. So the fault must lie within me. It must be the way I see other people.”

At this point, she became silent. My reply was simply this. “Just forget the entire story and remember only the last line and you will be able to lead a very fulfilling life.” She looked at me blankly for a minute since she was totally buried in her own thoughts and then, slowly smiling, she repeated the last line, “ It Must be the way I see other people”

In these few words are summed up the teachings of our various religions, the problems of home and office, the causes of war, the origins of strife and the greatest truth of mankind. More important, these words summarise your happiness or otherwise.

Examine your problems and then say to yourself, “It must be the way I see other people. It must be the way I think they are thinking.”

If you think of your dreams and accomplishments, your hopes and your discouragement, your most valuable and cherished moments and your moods of despair and frustrations, you will find that they are interwoven and strongly entwined with other people!

And what the lady just discovered was that she could not manipulate, alter, change or expect other people to dance to her tunes, to her every whim and fancy. She could not change others or the situations. BUT SHE COULD CHANGE HER RESPONSES TO THEM.

Let me emphasize this because it is very, very important. You cannot change the situations or people who irritate or bother you but you can change your responses to them.

“It must be the way I see people.”

Therefore it stands to reason that your ability to enjoy life to it’s fullest, by getting along with and getting the most out of other people, begins with your thoughts and your attitudes. What you think about others, is really what is most important.

You can Change your Life by changing the Way you see Others

You can compare your outward appearance and personality to a painting. The colour and the picture are constant. There can be no change except a change of frames for the picture. In other words, your physical appearance is set. Nothing can change your appearance except perhaps your “frame” - (clothing)

But now you have a better perspective of your personality. You CAN control the way you impress other people - your “appearance” to others. Your outward appearance is more like a movie screen instead of a painting. The screen reflects what goes on inside the projector. Your THOUGHTS and ATTITUDES are the roll of the future. Your mind is the projector and your outward appearance is the screen.

Maybe your image on the screen is not as handsome or beautiful as you would like it to be. Maybe there are certain blemishes which are visible on the screen. But these go unnoticed if your projector is throwing strong and impressive pictures.

So, the root of your personality is embedded in your thinking --- YOUR THOUGHTS.

In conclusion,

You are not who you think you are, You are what you Think.

Author - Sarosh Dastoor