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Losing your temper might be as bad as it gets. Try a response method instead. I recently read something interesting that made a huge impact on me. I'm certain that you too, will learn some lessons. It's all about learning to control your temper and `responding' instead of `reacting' to the situation.

I found this really cool little story in a daily calmer mail given to me by one of the men who has helped me back that seemed to describe the journey so well, so I'm sharing it as a contribution to those of you who are beginning your journey back to your relationship with yourself, slowly but surely, as well as those of you who are in meaningful relationship and are taking it to a much deeper, more dependent, emotionally gripping, and fully-surrendered level - turning it all over to yourself.

"A minister was on a train, the only occupant of the coach except a young man who seemed very ill at ease. The young man would sit in one seat and then get up and go to another, take up a book and then drop it again. The minister went over to him, sat down beside him and asked what was the matter. The young man shut up like a clam. The minister stayed quiet and still and just watched him in his nervous, stubborn silence, and at last the dam broke, and he told his story: 'I've run away from home, and I've been away a really long time. I've wanted to go back, and I finally wrote my father asking if he would take me back. But there was no reply. That made me angry. So I wrote my mother and told her that I am not going to wait for a reply, that I am coming home, and that if they will take me back she will hang a white rag on the old crab-apple tree, down near the railroad tracks, so that I can see it when the train goes by. We are getting near that tree and I'm so afraid to look - afraid the rag won't be there.' The minister told the lad that he needn't look, that he would look for him and let him know, and then celebrate with him or comfort him, depending on what he saw. The boy sat with his eyes closed, trembling, the hand of the minister on his knee. As they drew near to where the tree was, the hand of the minister closed tight on the boy's knee, and he said, 'My boy, . . . not only is there a white rag, there's a white rag on every single limb of that
old tree. Welcome home!'

Something like that awaits you - you who are returning to yourself. A welcome back so ungrudging, so overflowing that it will break down all of your barriers and hesitancies, all of your fears and doubts. Take one step towards yourself, and you will feel like a hundred toward run into you with open, loving arms.

"But when he was a great way off, his father saw him . . . and ran toward him . . . and hugged and kissed him."

Now let's get to the main thing again ACTION vs REACTION.

Let us consider this example. It's raining and it is getting a little late in the evening> You've got to go to the shopping center to a medical store to pick up some medicines. You look for a parking place close to the store. The parking lot is full except for two parking lots exactly opposite to the medical store, but that has been occupied by a car which has been parked haphazardly and consumes space enough to park two cars. The driver has left it in a angle with a part of it in two places, despite the parking lot clearly marking spaces for cars. There is no reason why the car could not have been parked so that another car could have used the parking space.

What goes in your mind in this sort of a situation?
What will you feel in anything like this happens to you?

Perhaps you'll get angry, frustrated. Let's assume that you finally get some space for parking your car. You enter the drug store and see the car owner. You give him a piece of your mnd, but the driver doesn't respond. He simply runs out and drives away. This makes you feel even more upset and you begin to abuse him.

Once you are in the store, you find out that there has been a nasty accident nearby – a boy has been hit and run and is lying in a pool of blood. The driver who parked the car carelessly had driven down to the store to make a call as his cell phone has been drained out of battery. His call was to the ambulance and to the police. He however had also picked up a bottle of mineral water and some first aid.

How would you feel after listening to this?

In the first situation you reacted without even thinking and therefore, would not feel good about your behaviour. You would feel sorry for having lost your cool and for being unreasonable. But the damage has already been done and there's not much you can do about it.

I summarize the situation by using a mathematical equation SITUATION + REACTION = DISASTER

The key word is `Reaction'. Every time we react, we create a disaster of sorts for others and for ourselves. REACTION results in tension and creates bitterness, therefore making relationships strained and ultimately suffer

There is yet another simple yet effective formula that can be defined as SITUATION + REACTION = OUTCOME

No doubt this is easier said than done as people normally "react" in most situations. Thus, it's almost like going against a habit that you've mastered for many years. However if you are keen to change this habit then the first step you must take is to list common situations which triggers a "reaction" from you. Like when you are running late and the traffic is moving inch by inch, chances are that you will get irritated too as all drivers must be honking the car horns continuously (as if you are responsible for the jam), so you "react," as also all the others in the front of you would do - "react."

Now ask yourself a simple question
What would you like the outcome to be?

You might want to consider to make a quick call to the people you are supposed to meet and inform them that you are running late due to a traffic snarl. Now decide whether you want to "react" or "respond." "Responding," will help you get things done faster, better and yet maintain composure. You will definitely like your behaviour and also for being in control of the situation.

So go ahead and "respond."

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