Dear Friends,

Greetings from Shabbar Suterwala

Here are inputs for all those who would like to come of their shell and be more outgoing and social. Yes, overcoming "Shyness". One of the top 10 discomforts which many people experience but never open it up. Here are short and simple tips to overcome the same. Trust you will enjoy reading it and find it simple and easy to practice the same ... right away.

Ways to Overcome Social Shyness & Discomfort

Shyness at times, may just be the feeling of being frightened or timid. There are many degrees of shyness, and some people are shy in only special situations or circumstances.

One of the most common places where people (not only adults but children included) feel shy or timid is in a social gathering. More so, when people have the habit of comparing themselves with others and feel inferior about themselves. Comparing their level of education with others, their social & economic status with others, their language competency with others and go into their shell.

The following are some ways people having this problem can turn things around and even get over their shyness. It takes practice and determination, but for most people who conquer social shyness, it is well worth the effort.

1. Stand before a big full size mirror, look at your self, accept and acknowledge yourself just as you are. Give a big broad smile to your self.

2. Check your language, are you saying “I am afraid”, “I’m scared”, “I’m nervous” and conditioning your mind with negativity. Manage your self-talk and replace the negative statements or thoughts with "positives." Your mind can be programmed to act as your best friend or as your worst enemy.

3. You are in control of your thoughts. Practice positive affirmations and it will make a world of difference. Eg. “I’m Smart and Confident”, “I’m brave” etc.

4. When going into a new situation, practice what you will say to the new person or group of people. This will help you be more relaxed when the event comes.

5. When you are at the social gathering, the first thing to focus on is good eye contact. You can always look at other parts of the person besides their eyes. They can't tell the difference usually if you shift your gaze a bit. Smile and use other kinds of facial expressions to show your interest. Eye contact can mean casual interest, intense friendly or business interest, or mild to intense romantic interest. Keep that in mind!

6. Learn to expect some rejections with people and not take them personally. People can "reject" you for many reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you! It is not pleasant to be rejected socially. If it bothers you, allow yourself to feel upset for a short time and then "let it go." Many others will accept you. Please remember, many great people now have faced rejections in their life.

7. When you start a conversation, ask questions about the other person and cannot just be answered in one or two words. Other people love to talk about themselves and their family, their business etc.

8. Be an active Listener. Express that you are listening through your eyes and nodding your head, also at times you could reflect to the other person by saying, “ahh”, “hmm”. Acknowledge and appreciate as and when required.

9. Practice, Practice and practice. You have to socialize to practice the social skills. Accept that the fact that at first you will feel nervous. Affirm again, that, “This is only natural”.

To start with, Practice this skill while you are traveling in the bus or train, start with a smile and eye contact and see whether you can start a conversation with this stranger, your fellow passenger.

“A journey of thousand miles begins with the first single step.” Start today..now.

“Be the Change you wish to See”

Shabbar Suterwala
Corporate Softskills Trainer
Leaders Workshop
Ph: +91-22-28423326
Mb: +91-9892225864
Email: LeadersWorkshop@mtnl.net.in
shabbarsuterwala@hotmail.com

Dear Shabbar & members,

Shyness can be identified in children even when they are toddlers. But everyone who is shy as a small child doesn't grow to be a shy adult. In a survey at Stanford University, 40 % of the students admitted to be shy. Researchers then surveyed the general population and found that a startling number of people, 93 % , admitted to be shy at some point in their life. Few tips for overcoming shyness can be..

a) Practise becoming fascinated by other people. Ask them about themselves, and concentrate when they answer you. Remember what they tell you about themselves so you can talk about it later, or on another occasion.

b) Great socialisers make other people feel comfortable and interesting. How do they do that? By being really, genuinely interested in other people. If you are talking to someone and you feel boring or inferior, ask why that is. Is it really all your fault?

c) Practise using fewer 'personal pronouns' when you talk about things. Sentences beginning with 'I' are not only a turn-off for the listener, they also keep the focus of attention on you, which increases shyness. (Note: Of course, part of friendship is giving away things about yourself, but only when you feel it is appropriate to do so.)

d) Remember that the way to overcome shyness is to focus elsewhere. Like on imagining what it will be like to really enjoy the social event, on how it will feel to be full of energy, or to be having a great conversation with someone.

regards,

ann