Self discipline seems to have dropped out of our culture as an admirable trait. The way successful celebrities are presented in our society can fool us into believing that great success is easy - almost like a product you can buy off the shelf.

But prolonged self discipline is the reality behind the appearance. When you go to see a movie you don't see the thousands of hours of effort that went into it, of the labour of sweat and blood. Our own music sensation A.R. Rehaman said it had taken him twenty years to become an overnight success. Research shows that the single most important element in the success of musicians is the amount to time they spend practicing. Innate talent may be important but not as vital as sustained effort and application - self discipline is what truly forges success in life.

Self discipline drives success

Any success in life needs the nutrition of self discipline to see the light of day. If you want to succeed, not feeling like doing something is not a good enough reason to avoid doing it. Anyone who only does things they feel like doing is going nowhere fast; like watching TV instead of getting on with that novel or staying warm at home instead of going to the football ground to practice.

Give yourself the respect you deserve

Developing iron self discipline for success means you are giving your yourself and your goals true and proper respect. Self discipline is the active agent that drives inspiration into reality.

Dear Raman,

The five pillars of self-discipline are: Acceptance, Willpower, Hard Work, Industry, and Persistence. If you take the first letter of each word, you get the acronym “A WHIP” — a convenient way to remember them, since many people associate self-discipline with whipping themselves into shape.

Regards,

Gdavid

Dear Raman, gdavid & members,

How do young children learn self-control, self-help and ways to get along with others ? Such learning occurs when parents and teachers of infants and toddlers are continuously involved in setting limits, encouraging desired behaviors, and making decisions about managing children.

When making these decisions, caregivers often need to ask themselves these questions: Am I disciplining in a way that hurts or helps this child's self-esteem? Will my discipline help the child develop self-control?

So self-discipline starts from the beginning of the child's growth which has to be nurtured continously.

regards

sheetal

Dear Sheetal

After giving your view point you summed it up by saying, "So self-discipline starts from the beginning of the child's growth which has to be nurtured continously."

Well that is the most ideal way of doing it, but with couples working these days
(one wonders if they themselves are self-disciplined) they have just enough time to pamper their chidren, and there is not much time left for them to keep their discipline im check, then where is the time for them to get their children to learn self-discipline. This is the scenario in the upper strata, the upper middle class, the middle class and to some extent in the lower middle class.

In the upper strata of the society they are so busy making money and attending socio-cultural functions, attending parties or hosting parties or going to the gym or for a jog etc., they have hardly anytime for the kids.

In the upper middle class and the middle class, the couple have to go to wrok to make both ends meet or to live slightly comfortably, where as in the lower middle calss they manage to make their living within the income they earn, and from there they try togrow. it is in this strata of society that you find the parents and the children are disciplined so they can instill self discipline in their kids. a large number of service men, govenrment or private teacher etc., fall in this braacket. They are naturally disciplined and so they help their children attain self-discipline.   

Warm regards

Raman

May I add a comment from the perspectiive of self-control:

Self-control is the ability to make decisions about how and when we express our feelings, and which of our impulses to act on. This is a life-long process which is critical to the healthy development of children and adults! Strategies parents use will largely depend on the age and developmental stage of their child.

When your child loses control, stay calm. This will help him feel safe. It is also an opportunity for you to model self-control. Learning how your child is best soothed will help you help him regain control. Children have varying capacities and ways for self-calming. Some children need lots of physical contact- firm touch and hugging- while others can be easily diverted by engaging them in an activity or interaction with you. Still others need time to blow off steam in a safe, quiet place and can then eventually re-group on their own.

Help your child learn to wait. Waiting is one of the main ways we ask children to exert self-control. It teaches them that others have needs too. If you ask your child to wait, make it short, and give him something to do in the meantime. "I can help you with the puzzle when I get off the phone. Would you lay out all the pieces while you wait?" Since children do not have a handle on time, for example what "5 minutes" means, it will help to provide cues like an egg timer so they can feel more in control of "time" and know what to expect and when.

How Can You Help Your Child Learn Self-Control at ages 13 to 17:

At this point, your child should be able to control most of his or her actions. But you may need to remind your teen to think about long-term consequences of his or her actions. Continue to urge your teen to take time to evaluate upsetting situations before responding to them. Also encourage your child to talk through troubling situations rather than losing control, slamming doors, or yelling. At this point you may need to discipline your child by taking away certain privileges, for example, to reinforce the message that self-control is an important skill.

What to Do When Your Child Is Out of Control

It's important to set a good example for your child by demonstrating healthy ways to react to stressful situations. As difficult as it may be, it's a good idea to resist the urge to yell when you are disciplining your child. Instead, try to be firm and matter of fact. If your child is losing his or her temper, instead of losing yours, too, calmly let your child know that yelling, throwing a tantrum, and slamming doors is unacceptable behavior, and it has consequences. Calmly explain what those consequences are.

If your child has an occasional temper tantrum or outburst, in many cases, it's a good idea to show your child that a tantrum is not an effective method to get what he or she wants. For example, if your child gets upset at the grocery store after you've explained why you are not buying any candy, if you don't give in to it, you have demonstrated that a tantrum is unacceptable behavior, and it doesn't work.

If your child frequently loses control and is continually argumentative, antisocial, or impulsive or if tantrums last for more than 10 minutes on a regular basis, you may want to talk to your child's doctor.


Knowing the truth is a key to self-control

Knowledge is a prerequisite for self-control. If knowledge is essential in order to have self-control, then the opposite of knowledge--lack of it--destroys self-control. Lack of knowledge is simply believing in false information.

When we speak lies to ourselves, we lose control over our lives. Many people are lying to themselves; this results in losing self-control.

These lies come in the form of wrong beliefs. Wrong beliefs are lies we injure ourselves with. These lies must be replaced with the truth.


Lies we believe

Here is what I mean:

One of the main lies we tell ourselves in order to avoid exercising self-control is this: Since I've failed before, I'll always fail.

Yet experience tells us that most people who have overcome a hurtful habit tried many times to break the habit, and failed many times. Most ex-cigarette smokers prove this is true. Most have tried many times to give up cigarettes...yet to no avail. Finally they gave it up, permanently. But failing in the past does not mean you will fail in the future!

Another common lie we believe which halts self-controls is this: I'm only hurting myself.

Those who believe this lie have never been counselors. I have counseled dozens of wives who were heart-torn over their wrecked marriages, their lives in shambles because their intoxicated husbands wouldn't stop the booze. Their flood of tears testify to the fact that sin hurts not just the offenders, but everyone around them.

People believe this lie to avoid feeling guilt about their actions. But the truth is, the damage that act produces is not restricted to the perpetrator alone. Others get hurt in the process.

Here is the ultimate lie we swallow that stops us from practicing self-control: I can't deny myself.

The truth is, some people don't want to endure the temptation, but they can if they choose to. You can say "no" to yourself. It is not the end of all things if you have to suffer the pain of self-denial. You can stand it. You really can!

Do you like ice cream? Good, I got your attention!

"Yes," you may say, "I love ice cream. That's my weakness. I can not say "no" to ice cream."

"Yes you can!"

"Oh, no I can't. I love it too much."

I'm going to prove that you can say "no" to ice cream.

Imagine yourself inside the largest ice cream parlor in the world. They have every conceivable flavor available--more than your highest fantasy. The clerk behind the counter asks you, "What would you like? Name it and I'll make it for you." You tell him and he makes the largest, creamiest ice cream delight that you have ever seen. He hands it to you along with a large spoon.

Now, here's my question: Can you put down that ice cream?

"Oh, no! I can't!"

Okay. Let's add something else to the story. As you are about to heap a spoonful into your mouth, you hear a click. You feel a cold, metal object touch your head. Out of the corner of your left eye, you catch a glimpse of a large, hairy hand holding a gun to your temple. A deep voice swears, "If you eat that ice cream, I'll blow your head off!"

Now, let me ask that question again: Can you put down that ice cream? I think you see the point. You can say "no" if you know the consequences.

Resisting temptation is worth it!

The truth is, self-control is a choice. You choose what your life is going to be.

"You're wrong," you may argue. "I didn't choose to be an alcoholic. It's not my fault that I grew up with alcoholic parents. If I hadn't had them as parents, I wouldn't be an alcoholic today."

Please, don't confuse what they did with what you are doing. They are responsible for their lives, but you are responsible for yours.

Life is like a stage play. You come on the scene with the stage already set. You did not choose the setting. You did not choose the abusive parents you have. You did not select the teachers at school who ridiculed you. You did not appoint the peers that teased you. Nor did you desire a spouse to cheat on you. No! You did not pick the stage props. They were here when you came; or, they were changed without your consent.

In your life's drama, you determine how you will respond to the ridiculing teachers and the teasing peers. You determine what you are going to do after your spouse left you for another person. Are you going to wallow in self-pity and drown your sorrows in the bottle or gorge yourself with food? Or will you forgive and make your life better? The choice is yours. You—and YOU ALONE—can write the script