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TIPS: Dealing with Anger
Self Excellence » Personal Development


Chrm Message From: shabbarsuterwala Total Posts: 18 Join Date:
Rank: Executive Post Date: 04/07/2006 21:47:12 Points: 90 Location: India
Dear Friends,

Greetings from Shabbar Suterwala:

I have an Aunty,
My aunty loves eating brinjal,
I hate eating brinjal,
So I hate my Aunty.

What I did is I mixed my aunty with brinjal.
I must understand that my aunty is not brinjal. (lol)

Similarly,
Ganpat is my peon,
Ganpat comes late to office,
I do not like people coming late,
I do not like Ganpat.

I have mixed Ganpat as a person with his -ve quality.

My boss is nagging,
I do not like nagging,
I hate my boss.

Friends, what we do is confuse ourself and mix people and their -ve qualities.

Seperate people from their qualities and love people unconditionally.

Lets work on dealing with the -ve quality.

Also, understand, that by you getting angry, -ve qualities may not always improve.

Why people get angry is they have high expectations from others, high standards of performance and when this does not match, they flare up.

Let me ask you one simple question,

By you getting angry,
"CAN A DONKEY BECOME A HORSE?"

Its sheer IMPOSSIBLE, that a donkey become a horse, yes, your blood pressure may rise, and you may develop ulcers in the process.

Although you can not make a Donkey a Horse, but you can always make a Donkey a Better Donkey. Infact, if you just look at the good and +ve quality of the donkey, and acknowledge it, there are many chances that the donkey will be a "better donkey".

Lets see how we can manage anger, now: Some tips..

Stop REACTING .....! Instead; PAUSE - THINK & then ACT (PROACTIVE)

List five things which make you angry, be specific, then rank them from 1 to 5, using 1 for the one which angers you most.

Next to each one write down the main reason why it makes you angry. (People, Situations, Events basically the Trigger )

Finally, write down next to each one what you do when you are angry in such a situation.

Include your physical responses as well as what you do and say, discuss your list with your partner.

Now find a near and dear one with whom you may sit and work, to see if you can think of an alternative assertive response to each situation, or when ever the Trigger is pulled.. what can you do instead..

Please do share your feedback of the same...

May your day be filled with inspiration and passion!

With Best Regards

Shabbar Suterwala
Corporate Soft Skills Trainer & Psychological Counsellor

Ph: 022 2842 3326
Mb: +91 989 222 5864
email: shabbarsuterwala@hotmail.com
Chrm Message From: CHRM Total Posts: 209 Join Date:  
Rank: Coach Post Date: 05/07/2006 07:52:14 Points: 1045 Location: India

Dear Shabbar,

People often mix people with their behavior, actions and reactions which negatively acts as a force to make us angry enough to spoil our nearabouts. We dont even think for a while when we do this, since we've already instructed our mind to lose its head. Dealing with anger is no simple task and which can be controlled only when we can control ourselves, our mind to say.

However, let's see at the other side of "expressing" and "concealing" anger which reminds me of William Blake's poem  'A Poison Tree' which says :

I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe;
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

What the poem explores is the feeling of anger and what we do with it. The first two lines suggest that one way of dealing with anger is to simply express it and, in the context of friendship, no harm appears to be done. In the final two lines of this stanza, however, the failure to express anger (with an 'enemy') only feeds the anger. And whilst this anger is growing, the speaker puts on a false face of smiles and 'soft deceitful wiles'. This internalized anger is likened to a tree that eventually produces a poisoned apple that proves fatal:

In the morning glad I see
My foe outstretch'd beneath the tree.

It seems that the expression of anger, according to Blake, is far less dangerous than concealing it.

Lets now look at few meditating tips for overcoming and controlling anger..

Meditation and Anger
There are two meditation methods that may be helpful in managing anger. One is the insight or vipassana method. This involves simply noting the feeling of anger when it arises ('anger,anger'), to view it dispassionately as an observer and in this way avoiding reacting to it.

Another method, which might be better for more deep-rooted feelings of anger and resentment, is loving-kindness or metta meditation. Here one develops feelings of loving-kindness for oneself and then extends it outwards in order to a loved one, a friend, a neutral person and finally to someone you feel hostility towards.

The Buddha knew that anger is a powerful emotion and can lead to great suffering for those who unleash it. Consequently, it has to be dealt with but we have to lead it by the nose rather than be led by it.

Even though, the tips provided by you shall be extremely helpful in dealing with anger the next time or probably when we inititate the process of mixing people and strong emotions.

Any members with their say..

Excerpts from the article "Anger & The Poison Tree" from Anthony Flanagan

Regards,

CHRM

"To win...you must stay in the game" - Claude Bristol

 

Chrm Message From: neetayuvraj Total Posts: 2 Join Date:  
Rank: Beginner Post Date: 05/07/2006 22:16:44 Points: 10 Location: India

Dear friends,

I know a friend who worked very hard to conquer the anger. He read so many books so many times that he knew which words are written on which page.

Finally he met a buddhist monk who showed him a way and it wored like a mirracle. You know what is that way.

He adviced him to carry a note in his pocket with the words written on it, "TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF MY LIFE"

That's it. There was marked shift in his attitude. Live life every day as if it is a last day. And you will start living in now. Besides, you will never have a need to get angry.

Love,

 Dr, Neeta Yuvraj

Life coach and corporate trainer

www.iaolonlie.com

Chrm Message From: CHRM Total Posts: 209 Join Date:  
Rank: Coach Post Date: 06/07/2006 02:05:06 Points: 1045 Location: India

Neeta having mentioned about the buddhist monk who offered the zen advice to her friend for relieving himself from anger, let me also share with you this short tale which mentions the recognition within, of this emotion called anger..

When the Tesshu, a master of Zen, calligraphy and swordsmanship, was a young man he called on the Zen master Dokuon. Wishing to impress Dokuon he said, “The mind, the Buddha, and all sentient beings after all do not exist. The true nature of phenomenon is emptiness. There is no realisation, no delusion, no sagacity, no mediocrity, nothing to give and nothing to receive.

Dokuon promptly hit him with a bamboo stick. Tesshu became quite furious.

Dokuon said quietly: “If nothing exists, where did this anger come from?”

Anyone to voice out on this issue or to take this forward ?

Regards,

CHRM

"To win...you must stay in the game" - Claude Bristol

 
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