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Emotional Intelligence - Snapshot
Human Resources » Employee Relations

Chrm Message From: aladin Total Posts: 38 Join Date: 29/08/2006
Rank: Executive Post Date: 30/08/2006 00:31:48 Points: 190 Location: United States

Millions of people are suffering undeserved stress, trials, problems, and heartache.

They never seem to be a success in life. Bad days follow bad days. Terrible things seem to be constantly happening. Theirs is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships.

Worry consumes time, anger breaks friendships, and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest.

Friends are lost.
Life is a bore and often seems cruel.

According to Freedman et al., "Handle With Care: Emotional Intelligence Activity Book"
Emotional Intelligence is a way of recognizing, understanding, and choosing how we think, feel, and act. It shapes our interactions with others and our understanding of ourselves. It defines how and what we learn; it allows us to set priorities; it determines the majority of our daily actions. Research suggests it is responsible for as much as
80% of the "success" in our lives that your success at work relies only about 20% on intellectual skills and abilities." 20% of life is made up of what happens to you. 80% of life is decided by how you react.

What does this mean?
We really have no control over 20% of what happens to us.
We cannot stop the car from breaking down.
The plane may be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off.
A driver may cut us off in traffic.
We have no control over this 20%.
The other 80% is different.
You determine the other 80%!

By your reaction.
You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction.
Don't let people fool you.
YOU can control how you react!

You really do not have any control over 20% of what happens. The other 80% is determined by your reaction.

Every minute of every day we're using our emotional intelligence either to bring about good results or bad in our work and relationships.

According to Dr. Robert K. Cooper, "Executive EQ: Emotional Intelligence in Leadership and Organizations" - "Emotional intelligence is the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions as a source of human energy,
information, connection, and influence." · If you're faced with a sudden deadline, and start to panic, how you manage those emotions and how you pull out of the panic-state
is your EI at work.

When your manager yells at you or your boss throws a tantrum, they're not using EI, and you have the chance to use yours in how you respond. · If you're giving a presentation or trying to close a deal, your intuition can tell you whether it's going well, and if not, how
to change it for a successful outcome. And that's emotional intelligence, too. The rest is … emotional intelligence, and most of us received no formal training in this whatsoever!
· When you and your partner seem to have devolved into pushing one another's hot buttons, and blaming the other for the demise of your relationship, it's time to start learning more emotional intelligence, save the relationship and make life enjoyable again instead of an ordeal.

When you have young children or teenagers at home every minute is likely an EI event for you and for them.

The state of your EI determines how much your children learn and how effective they can become in life.

Let's see an example which I've assimilated reading out of Steve Wilson's "Happiness Is An Inside Job ."

"Imagine this …

You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react.

You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the coffee cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup so close to the edge of the table.

A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30-mph speed limit.

After a 15-minute delay and throwing traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs to the building without saying good-bye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase.

Your day has started terribly. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to going home. When you arrive home you find a small wedge in your elationship with your spouse and daughter.

Because of how you reacted in the morning.
Why did you have a bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the Policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is D.
You had no control over what happened with the coffee.
How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.

Here is what could have and should have happened.

Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say "It's OK honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you go upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase. You come back down in time look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You and your
spouse kiss before you both go to work. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff.

Your boss comments on how good a day you are having.
Notice the difference.

Two different scenarios.
Both started the same. Both ended different.


Because of how you REACTED. "

Emotional intelligence (EI) therefore addresses the emotional, personal, social and survival dimensions of intelligence, which are often more important for daily functioning than the more traditional cognitive aspects of intelligence.

Cheers !


Chrm Message From: jigar Total Posts: 61 Join Date: 29/08/2006  
Rank: Manager Post Date: 30/08/2006 07:14:25 Points: 305 Location: United States

Hi all,

Respond vs reaction / Behaviour vs Intenttion

If you are able to distinguish the two - and then take action accordingly - then you are great at EI.

1) The second part of Aladin's coffee story - is response and the first part Reaction.
Responding to any situation leaves you riches and more fulfilled. Try it. In fact it is easier to move away from reaction - you could just be silent and gather yourself towards an response by just waiting and not doing anything provided the situation is not where a person is haveing a heart attack.

2) Think of a scene where your report is thrown at you by your absolutely irritated boss in front of your colleagues with a "i expected better stuff from you". While very tough to stomach such behaviour - look at the positive that he does have greater expectations from you and actually believes that you are capable of higher efficiency or effectiveness -whichever is applicable. But by ignoring the intent and concentrating on the behaviour youu just made him you target for 'wait till I get my chance' point.

More views awaited..



Chrm Message From: kaushik Total Posts: 61 Join Date: 29/08/2006  
Rank: Manager Post Date: 01/09/2006 03:36:38 Points: 305 Location: United States

This reminds me of  yet another incident that I thought would be worth sharing in this context ...

You Win When You Make Others Win - A few weeks ago NIMH (National Institute of Mentally Handicapped, Hyderabad) had conducted a sports meet for all the Physically & mentally handicapped children at National Stadium Hyderabad.

In one race.., Nine contestants, all physically or mentally disabled, assembled at the starting line for the 100-yard dash. At the gun, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win.

All, that is, except one little boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over a couple of times, and began to cry.

The other eight heard the boy cry.
They slowed down and looked back.
Then they all turned around and went back......every one of them.

One girl with Parkinson's Syndrome bent down and kissed him and said, "This will make it better."

Then all nine linked arms and walked together to the finish line. Everyone in the stadium stood, and the cheering went on for a long time. People who were there are still telling the story.


Because deep down we know this one thing:
What matters in this life is more than winning for ourselves.
What matters in this life is helping others win, even if it means slowing down and changing our course.

"A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle" Friendship consists in forgetting what one gives and remembering what one receives. Alexandre Dumas the Younger

As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are your behaviour, your reactions and things you didn't do." Zachary Scott

More views please !!



Chrm Message From: Total Posts: 41 Join Date: 29/08/2006  
Rank: Executive Post Date: 02/09/2006 01:12:50 Points: 205 Location: United States

Here are a few of the reasons our emotions are important in our lives. By the way, the first few chapters of Goleman's 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence, have a good presentation on evolution and emotions.

Nature developed our emotions over millions of years of evolution. As a result, our emotions have the potential to serve us today as a delicate and sophisticated internal guidance system. Our emotions alert us when natural human need is not being met. For example, when we feel lonely, our need for connection with other people is unmet. When we feel afraid, our need for safety is unmet. When we feel rejected, it is our need for acceptance which is unmet.

Decision Making
Our emotions are a valuable source of information. Our emotions help us make decisions. Studies show that when a person's emotional connections are severed in the brain, he can not make even simple decisions. Why? Because he doesn't know how he will feel about his choices.

Boundary Setting
When we feel uncomfortable with a person's behavior, our emotions alert us. If we learn to trust our emotions and feel confident expressing ourselves we can let the person know we feel uncomfortable as soon as we are aware of our feeling. This will help us set our boundaries which are necessary to protect our physical and mental health.

Our emotions help us communicate with others. Our facial expressions, for example, can convey a wide range of emotions. If we look sad or hurt, we are signalling to others that we need their help. If we are verbally skilled we will be able to express more of our emotional needs and thereby have a better chance of filling them. If we are effective at listening to the emotional troubles of others, we are better able to help them feel understood, important and cared about.

Our emotions are perhaps the greatest potential source of uniting all members of the human species. Clearly, our various religious, cultural and political beliefs have not united us. Far too often, in fact, they have tragically and even fatally divided us. Emotions, on the other hand, are universal. Charles Darwin wrote about this years ago in one of his lesser-known books called "The Expression of Emotion In Man and Animal". The emotions of empathy, compassion, cooperation, and forgiveness, for instance, all have the potential to unite us as a species. It seem fair to say that, generally speaking: Beliefs divide us. Emotions unite us.



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