31-THE QUEST FOR THE ‘I’


Any quest in search of the inner I involves a lot of time; and lots of experiences of various hues relevant to the individual alone. A protracted phase in this search is the quelling of one’s internal chatter. It is insidious, at worst, catching one unawares always; backstabbing a cherished desire, sidestepping a noble intention, veering away from a set purpose, instilling a memory blackout, corrupting a determined attempt, upsetting a game plan, clouding a focused move and what have you. And the path to this quelling is different for every single individual. The only certainty in the process is persistence- going it again and again and again- blowing away these winds of negativity with positive breaths.

An iota of experience gained in the process suffuses one with a liberal dose of self- confidence and inner contentment. Faint glimmerings of some hazy purpose are made visible. The excitement of this quest is that the end is never known, nor will the question of how it will eventually be revealed. And one should not pursue that, I feel. The excitement of the chase will be diminished to that extent.

Once anticipated or expected results are done away with, the hunt will always be on.

The self- confidence is a sure bet- and it touches upon one’s attitudes and responses to one’s circumstances. We begin to see the world differently. And we delve deeper into our head to find the same contracted process begin yet again. It is an unsteady, inconsistent process and can wear the patience of the stout- hearted.

The way to the deep- set sub- conscious is thorny and full of deceptions indeed.

One can, I feel, never relinquish this path once one has taken some meaningful steps forward. The purpose becomes the quest itself for the excitement it generates and the contentment it gives.

This process is the same for any concentrated activity in life, however small or big. For the execution of any physical/ mental activity involves this inner quest.

It is the essence of the Divine Song.

And everyone walks this swerving path. One’s travails and heroics lead one to flag posts along the way. A flag post is never the end of the race or chase. It is ever a never- ending race where one will always see yet another mountain ahead to conquer.

And one moves on gamely.