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EI : The Way You React

Last post January 19, 2007 06:26 AM by mark. 1 repiles.

January 19, 2007 01:42 AM 1
Total Posts: 27
Join Date: January 13, 2007
Rank: Executive
Post Date: January 19, 2007
Posts: 27
Location: United States

EI : The Way You React

Millions of people are suffering undeserved stress, trials, problems, and heartache.

They never seem to be a success in life. Bad days follow bad days. Terrible things seem to be constantly happening. Theirs is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships.

Worry consumes time, anger breaks friendships, and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest.

Friends are lost. Life is a bore and often seems cruel. According to Freedman et al., "Handle With Care: Emotional Intelligence Activity Book" Emotional Intelligence is a way of recognizing, understanding, and choosing how we think, feel, and act. It shapes our interactions with others and our understanding of ourselves. It defines how and what we learn; it allows us to set priorities; it determines the majority of our daily actions. Research suggests it is responsible for as much as 80% of the "success" in our lives that your success at work relies only about 20% on intellectual skills and abilities." 20% of life is made up of what happens to you. 80% of life is decided by how you react.  (Pareto Principle : The 80-20 Rule, the article which is present in our Articles Section explains best)

What does this mean?

We really have no control over 20% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane may be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 20%. The other 80% is different. You determine the other 80%! How? By your reaction. You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you. YOU can control how you react!

You really do not have any control over 20% of what happens. The other 80% is determined by your reaction.

Every minute of every day we're using our emotional intelligence either to bring about good results or bad in our work and relationships. According to Dr. Robert K. Cooper, "Executive EQ: Emotional Intelligence in Leadership and Organizations" - "Emotional intelligence is the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions as a source of human energy, information, connection, and influence."

· If you're faced with a sudden deadline, and start to panic, how you manage those emotions and how you pull out of the panic-state is your EI at work.

· When your manager yells at you or your boss throws a tantrum, they're not using EI, and you have the chance to use yours in how you respond.

· If you're giving a presentation or trying to close a deal, your intuition can tell you whether it's going well, and if not, how to change it for a successful outcome. And that's emotional intelligence, too. The rest is … emotional intelligence, and most of us received no
formal training in this whatsoever!

· When you and your partner seem to have devolved into pushing one another's hot buttons, and blaming the other for the demise of your relationship, it's time to start learning more emotional intelligence, save the relationship and make life enjoyable again instead of an ordeal.

· When you have young children or teenagers at home every minute is likely an EI event for you and for them.

The state of your EI determines how much your children learn and how effective they can become in life.

Let's see an example which I've assimilated reading out of Steve Wilson's "Happiness Is An Inside Job ."

"Imagine this …

You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react.

You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the coffee cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup so close to the edge of the table.

A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30-mph speed limit.

After a 15-minute delay and throwing traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs to the building without saying good-bye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase.

Your day has started terribly. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to going home. When you arrive home you find a small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.


Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the Policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is D.
You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.

Here is what could have and should have happened.

Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say "It's OK honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you go upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase. You come back down in time look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You and your spouse kiss before you both go to work. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff.

Your boss comments on how good a day you are having. Notice the difference.

Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.


Because of how you REACTED. "

Emotional intelligence (EI) therefore addresses the emotional, personal, social and survival dimensions of intelligence, which are often more important for daily functioning than the more traditional cognitive aspects of intelligence.


January 19, 2007 06:262
Total Posts: 47
Join Date: January 13, 2007
Rank: Executive
Post Date: January 19, 2007
Points: 235
Location: United States

Re: EI : The Way You React

There was once a salesman who because of his predisposition to be authoritative hated his job, as he had to be continually subservient to customers which revolted against his primary nature. After he opted for a career switch and became a policeman, all his complaints vanished because in the new occupation, he was calling the shots.

Research has revealed that our emotions, more than anything else, make us tired and cause serious health problems. Daniel Goleman in his book “Emotional Intelligence” says "Great work starts with great feeling"