Dear friends,

Both attention and praise are disciplining techniques that strengthen and increase desired and appropriate behaviours. Learning to use them comfortably involves a sequence of events that goes like this:

1.Notice behaviour you like.

2.Describe the behaviour in an accurate and interesting way.

3.Add words of praise to your description.Adding praise is quite simple: Just add a compliment or an encouraging comment to the descriptive remark. Here are some examples:"Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness in remembering to put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket.""That's wonderful. You finished your lunch and put away your dishes. I like that.""Daisy, you were such a big help when you cut the veggies for dinner. They look marvelous the way you arranged them on the plate.""Praveen, you act so grown up when you ask me only once and then wait for my answer. I can't wait to share this good news with your father. He'll be proud, too."
Praise works best when it closely follows behaviours and actions you would like to see, encourage and strengthen. Give praise only when children are behaving well not when they are misbehaving.

Praise is best when it is both descriptive and specific. You should not say - "You're such a fine boy." Instead, be specific: "It's terrific the way you took charge and organised your group to get that project done in your class."Praise as many different aspects of your child's behaviour as you can. Try to compliment such things as cooperativeness, compliance, use of intelligence and judgment, social skills, expressiveness and willingness to help. Praise not only accomplishments but also effort.

Don't underestimate the power of adding some physical affection like a cuddle or a kiss.

When you are Giving Praise and Attention add some physical affection if it suits your child and if it is appropriate given the developmental level of your child.

*** Feel free to praise you child in writing. A note of appreciation is a permanent record of your approval that can mean a lot to a child. Kids particularly enjoy notes that are a surprise and often keep and treasure them.Many parents have trouble with this, particularly those parents who feel very discouraged by the behaviour of their children and frequently find fault with them or point out their failings. Such parents will follow praise with censure in this way: "I appreciate it that you answered the telephone for Mummy, but next time remembers to write down the message." Or they will add criticism to praise by pointing out how a child falls short of the mark: "It was so helpful of you to do the dishes, but you never wipe off the counter top."A word to the wise parent: Don't dilute your praise with criticism. Keep praise and attention pure. Save your criticism and your need to point out where a child has fallen short for some other occasion.

Regards,

Bindu